Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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