I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
