i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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