Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
