i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
