he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
