The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
