i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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