Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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