Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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