no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
