1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
