some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You are the jesus of drinking
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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