Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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