I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
