i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
