I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize