So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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