id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's get the cat blown out
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
