Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
