so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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