she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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