I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dick very happy bro
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
