i can't believe i had my finger in that
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
