I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
