we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
