I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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