You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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