never play flip cup with pint glasses
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
