I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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