In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
