My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hippo gnu deer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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