I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
