My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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