I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
