I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
