THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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