This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
