i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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