you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
