Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
