I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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