I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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