So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
