does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
