my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
