I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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