She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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