But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
