It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
