Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
