FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
