I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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