i just wanna soil my oats bro
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
