i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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