Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
