Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
