Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
