Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
