Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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