8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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