Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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