my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
