Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
