I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
