Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
