He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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