just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
